Post by Taos on Dec 13, 2019 17:05:02 GMT -5
Hello my denizens,
Sorry that I have not been so active this week. I started my new job! The first week has been interesting to say the least. Learned more about a disorder that I have. Borderline Personality Disorder. I had always been diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression, but that really just didn't seem to sit right with me. So I did meet with a psychologist about a month or so ago right after I left my other job. I took some test. Questionnaires really, got the results a couple of days ago. BPD. I have read so much on it and nothing ever seemed to click. I was at work yesterday, I now work at a psychiatric hospital, and we watched a video on youtube on a channel called Special books by Special Kids. It is truly remarkable. Never have I been able to pour what went on in my head into words. I tried to explain it but nothing ever seemed right. Some friends have said that they understood but would still get upset if I triggered in someway.
A little background on those of you who still quite don't understand. I have this uncanny ability to pour every fiber of my being into the relationships around me. The need for acceptance and validation is so great that I will do anything to find it. I loved a guy. Hell I still love this person. (yes I am gay haha) I still feel the need to be validated by him. I try to play it off but I always want to drop everything to be at his side even though the love is long gone. I still long to hear even the words "you are important to me." or "I do care about you." Even a simple unread or 'left on read' message drives me insane. What did I do? Why aren't they answering? They must hate me now. These are the thoughts that go through my head. When it comes to this certain person, I have to force myself to say I don't love you like that. Knowing that it is a lie. And it doesnt even have to be a romantic relationship. It could be within my family, or even my best friend. Like I know that people get busy and I know that there is a logical explanation as to why I am not getting a reply but at the same time my mind and body screams at me for screwing things up.
With all that being said and bringing people down, This town hall board isn't just for me to talk about my problems or be up on a soapbox. This is for every member of this site to post good news, bad news, tell us about a promotion, let us mourn a death with you, because we may not be neighbors IRL but Mist Falls is a village. We are here for each other. We support each other. I am sitting here at my desk, in my dungeon (basement) looking up at all these pictures of people I call my family. Some are blood some I have made my family along the way. Everyone needs someone. I am promising you here and now that I will be your someone. Whether its 1000ft away like my friend, or a million miles away on another continent, I will be here to listen and offer advice when I can. If I don't know the words to say I have a few friends that I can turn to for the correct advice.
Stay safe, stay well, stay happy my friends.
Merry Meet and Merry Part my loves
Your Mayor
Sorry that I have not been so active this week. I started my new job! The first week has been interesting to say the least. Learned more about a disorder that I have. Borderline Personality Disorder. I had always been diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression, but that really just didn't seem to sit right with me. So I did meet with a psychologist about a month or so ago right after I left my other job. I took some test. Questionnaires really, got the results a couple of days ago. BPD. I have read so much on it and nothing ever seemed to click. I was at work yesterday, I now work at a psychiatric hospital, and we watched a video on youtube on a channel called Special books by Special Kids. It is truly remarkable. Never have I been able to pour what went on in my head into words. I tried to explain it but nothing ever seemed right. Some friends have said that they understood but would still get upset if I triggered in someway.
A little background on those of you who still quite don't understand. I have this uncanny ability to pour every fiber of my being into the relationships around me. The need for acceptance and validation is so great that I will do anything to find it. I loved a guy. Hell I still love this person. (yes I am gay haha) I still feel the need to be validated by him. I try to play it off but I always want to drop everything to be at his side even though the love is long gone. I still long to hear even the words "you are important to me." or "I do care about you." Even a simple unread or 'left on read' message drives me insane. What did I do? Why aren't they answering? They must hate me now. These are the thoughts that go through my head. When it comes to this certain person, I have to force myself to say I don't love you like that. Knowing that it is a lie. And it doesnt even have to be a romantic relationship. It could be within my family, or even my best friend. Like I know that people get busy and I know that there is a logical explanation as to why I am not getting a reply but at the same time my mind and body screams at me for screwing things up.
With all that being said and bringing people down, This town hall board isn't just for me to talk about my problems or be up on a soapbox. This is for every member of this site to post good news, bad news, tell us about a promotion, let us mourn a death with you, because we may not be neighbors IRL but Mist Falls is a village. We are here for each other. We support each other. I am sitting here at my desk, in my dungeon (basement) looking up at all these pictures of people I call my family. Some are blood some I have made my family along the way. Everyone needs someone. I am promising you here and now that I will be your someone. Whether its 1000ft away like my friend, or a million miles away on another continent, I will be here to listen and offer advice when I can. If I don't know the words to say I have a few friends that I can turn to for the correct advice.
Stay safe, stay well, stay happy my friends.
Merry Meet and Merry Part my loves
Your Mayor